Thoughts
Today was just a really strange day - had some pretty interesting conversations and had been able to think and lay some stuff out on the table with a few people.
my life right now seems to be so unbalanced - I am trying to figure out a balance for it. And I know that obviously - God is the answer.
But have you ever been in situations and make them more difficult then they seem to be? I'm the type of person who makes situations maybe more difficult then ever. I over analize and pick it apart and mostly try to justify everything. If I don't see why its wrong - I try to justify it. This is a bad thing for me... and I am starting to see and understand - well sort of understand - but really mostly see - that I need to really stop making life so complicated and hard.
I was talking to a good friend of mine today and I shared with her how life is just so depressing. She even agreed with me. I mean life can be so depressing, and these past few days I have found everything to be depressing, like going shopping for food - couldnt' find what I wanted. Or getting some new clothes - couldn't find what I liked. I found the simplest stuff so depressing and sad. It actually really got me in a bad, sad mood.
Its weird. I mean - I'm usually the type of person who laughs a lot - try to have fun. But I am learning that I cover up a lot of my things with laughter. I cover up what I am truly feeling inside... but sometimes its so much easier to hide it then to be real. But then - it takes so much energy out of you to hide it - and to be a person who you aren't... if I feel sad - I act happy. If I'm happy - I stay happy. If I'm frustrated - I try and hide it with jokes or laughter...
I wish that I could be more real - and be more passionate about the things that I use to be so passionate about. I wish that my relationship with God was like how it use to be - but even more better then that. A relationship that has great passion and love...
I want this stuff back. I want to live it out. But sometimes - I make it tough to do... why?
Michelle
my life right now seems to be so unbalanced - I am trying to figure out a balance for it. And I know that obviously - God is the answer.
But have you ever been in situations and make them more difficult then they seem to be? I'm the type of person who makes situations maybe more difficult then ever. I over analize and pick it apart and mostly try to justify everything. If I don't see why its wrong - I try to justify it. This is a bad thing for me... and I am starting to see and understand - well sort of understand - but really mostly see - that I need to really stop making life so complicated and hard.
I was talking to a good friend of mine today and I shared with her how life is just so depressing. She even agreed with me. I mean life can be so depressing, and these past few days I have found everything to be depressing, like going shopping for food - couldnt' find what I wanted. Or getting some new clothes - couldn't find what I liked. I found the simplest stuff so depressing and sad. It actually really got me in a bad, sad mood.
Its weird. I mean - I'm usually the type of person who laughs a lot - try to have fun. But I am learning that I cover up a lot of my things with laughter. I cover up what I am truly feeling inside... but sometimes its so much easier to hide it then to be real. But then - it takes so much energy out of you to hide it - and to be a person who you aren't... if I feel sad - I act happy. If I'm happy - I stay happy. If I'm frustrated - I try and hide it with jokes or laughter...
I wish that I could be more real - and be more passionate about the things that I use to be so passionate about. I wish that my relationship with God was like how it use to be - but even more better then that. A relationship that has great passion and love...
I want this stuff back. I want to live it out. But sometimes - I make it tough to do... why?
Michelle
Comments
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Michelle