I'm struggling...

I found myself struggling at work today with a bit of frustration and ya - anger too...

I can really enjoy joking around, but there are moments when sometimes the joking goes a bit too far - and usually, I'm really good at saying "enough is enough, its not funny anymore" and when I say this, the people who I work with actually stop doing what they are doing, and the mood changes.

However today - things went over the line... I said that things weren't funny anymore and that they were getting hurtful. "Sorry Michelle" my responce "No your not..." "your right - cause its actually really funny"...

The thing is - sure we can laugh and have fun, but when it comes to someones feelings getting hurt, and the laughter now being focused on my frustration and how I'm starting to get angry... not cool. But as I was working, God really helped me to ease up a bit... the anger was slowly starting to go away - the frustration was going away... but the thoughts of why this was happening, was lingering in my mind...

Anyways - just wanted to share that... I don't know why. But I needed to.

So - I won't be able to blog my daily devotionals on Sat or Sun. I'm not sure how much internet access I will have over the weekend... But I'll post tomorrows, and of course Mondays when I get back home late Monday night. I am finding this to be good though - like to blog it all down because it feels like its some sort of accountability...

Which - I have also been thinking about. Who, besides God, is keeping me accountable with my walk with Him? And at this very moment, to be honest, there isn't anyone in my life who is keeping me accountable. Which honestly - things are going great in my life, and God is teaching me lots... The thing is, some days - I just need a little "hey Michelle, hows your soul doin' today?" sort of statement. And share what God is laying on my heart, and the things that He is teaching me. It doesn't have to be a big meeting sort of deal, or a time of what I need to work on, or work through. Nothing like that - cause thats more of a pastoral role thingy. I'm more in sharing what God is doing in my life - what I am blessed about, the things I'm thankful for... What I believe that God is teaching me... speaking to me on... that sort of stuff.

Before - I had a mentor in my life - she was a really amazing person, however I really abused it and made our time more focused about me, rather then being focused on God and what God has been doing for me, teaching me, etc. I don't want to fall in to that sort of relationship again. Not saying its bad, but honestly - I just would really love to have someone in my life to pray with me, and that we can really pray and seek together as friends - where God is wanting me in ministry - where I feel He is directing me... confirming things etc...

Anyways - Just some thoughts...

Well I must be off, have to quickly head up to safeway and pick up a few things for my trip this weekend, I most definately don't want to forget anything. Cause that wouldn't be good.

So until next time...

Grace,
Michelle